Rebuilding After Trauma is Hard But Worth it!

by KC · April 15, 2024

We can be fabulous and achieve amazing things alone! I have a bad habit of not giving myself enough credit for what I HAVE done. Steve Harvey has wonderful motivational speeches. One of them was “making a list of 300 Goals that you want to achieve and make it as big as you can dream”. I started mine and categorized them into Career and Business goals, Income goals, Personal goals, Now goals and so on. My favorite thing to do is making lists, and having organization things that make me feel like I have my life in order. In case you’re wondering, I do not have my life in order. Baring that in mind, I am using this platform to chase all my ducks into a row and hopefully help others starting over in their lives and give yall some hope and idea for your futures.

My list of Achievements since I’ve moved here as of Nov 2023

Things I have accomplished since 12/8/22
1. Packed a bag and xmas stuff & Left (12/8/2022)
2. Arranged flight (12/8/2022)
3. Got important things from house (12/10/2022)
4. Flew from Tx to MI with daughter (12/12/22)
5. Changed phone to dads plan (12/2022)
6. Unsubcribed to emails for husband on my account (12/13/2022)
7. Canceled joint accounts (hulu, Disney, ect) (12/13/2022)
8. Changed address for both of us. Got rid of po box (12/13/2022)
9. Friends visited for spring break from Tx (3/24/2023)
10. Got a job/changed jobs (1/9/2023) (4/2/2023)
11. Drove to Ann Arbor for work training (4/29/2023)
12. Daughter fractured her arm (4/2023)
13. New Dr for Daughter (3/2023)
14. Applied to housing (2/19/2023)
15. Sought weekly counceling (1/2023)
16. Unfriended a friend for undue stress YES this happens with people you least expect. DO NOT feel bad for protecting whats left of your sanity (4/11/2023)
17. Joined community center (12/2023)
18. Started working out with Jess (1/2023)
19. Did our taxes (1/2023)
20. Bought a vehicle (3/2023)
21. Changed cosmetology license to MI (12/19/2022) received (3/25/2023)
22. Got clothes for us (12/2023)
23. Enrolled daughter into school (12/2023)
24. Doing after school activities (12/2022)
25. Started blog account (5/2023)
26. Paid off EXP & changed to referral partner program (8/25/2023)
27. Started prepaid credit card to build credit (6/2023) !
28. Got our things from Tx (5/16/2023)
29. Watched Older daughter graduate in Dallas (5/20/2023)
30. Drove across country with uhaul truck alone (5/21/2023)
31. Unloaded truck with Jess to storage (5/22/2023)
32. Started doing yoga with Jess (8/2023)
33. Going to chiropractor (8/2023)
34. Did 10 day mental health outpatient hospitalization program (7/19/2023-8/1/2023)
35. Setting monthly goals (12/2022)
36. Picking up things for new housing to put in storage (7/2023 to present)
37. Gardening & dehydrating (7/2023-10/2023)
38. Paid whole summer daycare bill in full (6/2023)
39. Back to school things (8/22/2023)
40. Took kids to Frankenmuth waterpark (9/4/2023)
41. Truck wouldn’t come out of park, not fixable, bought new SUV from Ford dealership (9/6/2023)
42. Started extracts (vanilla, mints, herbs) (9/2023)
43. Started divorce process thru courthouse (10/16/2023)
44. Mailed husband his paperwork (10/16/2023)
45. Got supena for Nov 6th (10/16/2023)
46. Now Jan 8th. (10/19/23)
47. Submitted next divorce paperwork (10/23/23) Divorce finalized 5/31/24.
48. Started mortgage assessment (11/2/2023)
49. Got assessment answer. 6 month time frame (March 2024) 640 credit score minimum. 1% down with roughly $3k down-payment.
50. Met with local EXP agent and got property list for minimum of 1 acre 3bd 2 bath.
51. Put rbfcu debit card in my tips holder to save $$ (11/14/23)
52. Went to friend of the court to figure out what paperwork they need for custody and such. Nov 30th hearing
53. Got a promotion and raise (10/2023)
54. Monthly goal setting 12/2022-present
55. Sent birthday and xmas gifts to stepson
56. Did 99% of xmas shopping by 11/3/2023
57. Restarted Real Estate networking 11/13/2023
58. Sent in friend of the court custody and support paperwork (11/20/23)
59. Sent out next paperwork to husband for the divorce (Default paper) (11/20/23)
60. Finished all xmas shopping (11/20/23)

My goals for this year is to gain traction from last year. This last 12 months has been about healing and finding hope. I’m in the middle of a divorce and awaiting for the sentencing of my husband who is looking at a significant amount of time in prison. I won’t go into the specifics, however it has taken me a 10 day outpatient hospitalization program, weekly therapy, and consistent conversations with friends and family to understand what this has done to my family and to me. I worked on my mental health all year as I untangled what I thought our life was and what I left behind. PTSD is real. Panic/Anxiety disorder is REAL. You don’t have to be a war vet to experience it. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety and Insomnia because of the stress. I ended up being admitted to the hospital for low potassium July 2023. It was there that they convinced me that my mental health was worth taking a hiatus from work to attend this program. The information and sessions were worth every minute of being there. I suggest it to anyone who is having a hard time digesting what’s happening around them. It could very well be the difference between life and death. When you are trapped in fight or flight your brain literally no longer works right. Click here for more info on what happens to your brain when in constant stress. Click here to see the affects on your body after long periods of stress or trauma. These are scientifically proven and known causes of stress and trauma. It is NOT signs of weakness, overreacting, causing drama, or anything else that’s told to you in an attempt to shut you down from processing it. With that in mind, writing a list of goals will help give you something to look forward to. As I wrote these goals, I looked forward to who I wanted to be once the dust settles.

So I came up with: “In a Perfect World” Goals

I want to be the homesteader who has animals, buys her own house, has 1 solid career and hobbies, enjoys trips with my kids, visits family and friends out of state, eats well and does yoga regularly… ect. In a perfect world I am happy and content with my life and they are reachable goals that I can aspire to. That way, one day when I wake up, I will wake up in a house I bought, feeding animals at the crack of dawn, enjoying the life I created by design, rather than waking up to whatever life threw at me while I was waiting to heal from my trauma. This years goals are:

List of Goals: 12 month year ( Jan 2024)

Get through husbands trial (Jan) – Mistrial. Must do again.
Get Apartment for now
Start my Real Estate career in Michigan/ Referral business in Tx
Continue doing Hair until I am able to bow out with a stable income
Launch blog and monetize
Fitness on a regular schedule
80/20 Plant based diet
Big garden to do preserves and canning (spring 2024)
Visit friends & family out of state and do trips with younger daughter (summer 2024)
Take over stock account and invest more
Finalize divorce May 31st 2024
Learn how to make Sourdough bread & cook more things
Decorate my new space in Farmhouse decor

One the first things I did was seek therapy so I COULD process what was going on in my life. In my opinion (and the general consensus of most studies) this is a necessary step to healing and sorting out fiction from facts. Trust me, your brain will have a hard time with this at first and maybe for months or even years. That’s why its called a process. It’s also known as GRIEVING. These stages are not timed nor are they linear. You are allowed to take however much time you need and may revisit stages as you heal. Feeling uncomfortable emotions is part of this awful process and absolutely necessary. So if you find that you are distracting yourself with projects, work, kids, and so forth, you will not fully heal. However at the same time, if you are doing nothing but thinking about the tragedy, that will also keep you stressed out. If you are feeling hopeless or like you can’t get through the day without crying or hoping that the reality is false, you would benefit from seeking therapy to help thru these stages. I did a LOT of ruminating on what happened and what I didn’t know. I felt guilty for not seeing or catching things. I felt horrible for trusting someone that I learned couldn’t be trusted in a very big way. I still have a hard time putting “both” of these people in one body.

I’m rounding into the final stages of grief (I hope) and acceptance has been the hardest and most peaceful stage so far. I have accepted the reality that my husband will not be my forever person, I started the divorce last month (October 2023) and it will be finalized May of 2024. From December 8th 2022 to present (November 20th 2023) I have made a list 60 items long that I have done and accomplished since I left. It started off as a list of things I could check off my to do list and keep track of, because my working memory was shot. It developed into this beautiful list of how amazing I had been doing to move forward despite being massively depressed and broken.

Tracking monthly goals has been really enriching for me as well. I have a White Board that I picked up at a thrift shop and started writing 3-5 goals per category for the month. I was doing that before I left and had done that for years. So in my goals I have “Career & Business”, “Personal”, “Self” and “Family”. The 300 list is still being worked on but so far I have a lot items.

(The Steve Harvey) 300 Goals List (mine are categorized) (also not at 300…its hard!)

Career and Business

Restart Real Estate
Find a coach who understands ADHD and Trauma
Begin networking & making passive money
Learn contracts in RE, math, ins and outs of commercial/residential
Learn social media and do video on Youtube channel
Begin credit building
Buy 1st property (primary)
Start research on property management business
Buy apartment complexes or duplexes
Learn how to do section 8/ HUD housing
Passive referral income to separate account
Hire & start a RE team
Buying Hotels
Register DBA for taxes/business ventures
Hold majority of investments in both types (apts & hotels)
Launch Blog
Redirect into a “Steve Harvey” type blog- talking about my experiences and being grateful/Helpful
Passive income to replace husbands help with our daughter
Volunteer work helping women like myself
Lean into google calendar to organize my life
Keep all income streams in separate bank accounts
Have a RE car and everyday car (this will help with taxes and miles put on the car)
Buy vacation houses in the South to do RE during winter in the North
Travel often for seminars and growth
Update living will to make sure the kids have money
Teach them both how to take over
Get them both licensed to create passive income
Co-own investments with both daughters
Protect what I have worked for legally
DO NOT have a legal business partner ever (Not to be confused with network partners)

300 Goal list: Personal & Health

Fitness classes weekly
Yoga practice at studio
80/20 plant based
Audiobooks for growth and enjoyment
Therapy continued indefinitely
Back down to 145lbs or healthy/fit
Learn how to do my hair, nails, skin care
Decorate my space in Farmhouse
Have a large garden
Have livestock (chickens & goats)
Travel to see family and friends
Travel out of country with the kids
Girl vacations with friends and sister in laws/mother in law
Have yoga space in my house
Save money for home wants
Canning and Preserving area of pantry
Learn how to update my house myself
Have Older daughter and Son in law up to visit often (my treat)
Have TX friends visit often
Host holidays at my house
Have office space in my house
Backyard entertaining space
Crafting space
Have social time/Dinners at my house
Buy my own little cabin cruiser like my in laws

300 List continued: Monetary

First 10k in bank
50k in savings
100k as a RE agent
10k passive income
50k passive income
100k passive income
Own 5 investment properties
Owning 10 investment properties
Owning 50 investment properties
10k Stock Market
50K Stock Market
100k Stock Market
Muti-million dollar RE Team (MI & Tx) And other states if possible
10+ acres of land
Build subdivision
Buy multi-family units specifically for HUD housing/Sec 8
Buy and Run a “ShelterHouse” type facility
Figure out affiliate marketing for passive income
Sell eggs, bread, meat chickens, ect
Make soaps, candles, ect
Try online store again for passive income
Blog monetization
Teach classes
Write a book and publish
Youtube channel for RE and another for Blog
Master Pintrest, IG, TicToc, ect
Set up kids with their own income and teach how to continue for themselves (also have emergency money for them set aside)

300 Goal List Continued: The Little Things & The Now

Focus on Salon Goals to increase income
Save money for the house
Watch credit score
Learn Blog layout
Write content list for Blog and RE
Study for RE exam (MI)
Start Networking/ Meet ups
Learn how to do Hashtags and traffic
New fb groups for MI
Figure out what commercial needs are in MI
Monthly Spa Day
Get nails done
Buy nice things for myself and the girls
Decorate my house
Buy hobby things
Go out to eat without feeling guilty
Buy myself a nice ring
Fun last minute trips with daughter
Buy a camper
Coffee house self dates
Writing days
Purging socials until I’m comfortable with audience
Self dates
Social time
Start becoming who I want to be for myself
Have a library of books in my house
Salon spot in my house to do hair
Have nice office space in my house
My own cricket for making things
Learn to crochet with daughter
Making spices, canning, dehydrating, bread, ect
Watching TV and having wine
My own hot tub
Grocery shopping without watching budget
No debt & pay off current
Learn couponing again
Go see my daughters other family up North often

This list is incomplete and will be edited as time goes on to reflect what is actually important to me. The idea behind the lists is to give yourself small and large goals. Some can be checked off pretty quickly and others will take time.